Milking a Tuscan: Amazon Customer Humor from David Pogue

April 30, 2011

OK, I know that I’m hard to please when it comes to Internet humor but these ‘reviews’ posted by customers made me spit Tuscan Whole Milk out my nose. Read an overview by my favorite tech writer David Pogue in the New York Times here and scroll down for some examples.

Book Reviews of Hgiyiyi

“As good as Jhjykyk, maybe better. The highly-anticipated sequel to Jhjykyk keeps you on the edge of your seat from the very first paragraph. Hgiyiyi picks up right where Jhjykyk left off. It both answers your lingering questions and creates so many new ones. That is the genius of jjjj, who is not only a unique writer, but who also translates his books himself! I’m on the edge of my seat waiting for the third book to come out. After reading Hgiyiyi, I know you will be too.”

Tuscan Whole Milk

“I know, I know, I’ve heard it before . . . you think that goat milk is just too strongly flavored, and that prejudices you against anything that isn’t cow milk. But Tuscans aren’t even related to goats. They’re actually akin to gerbils, although they’re a bit smaller. Their milk is very mild and sweet. It’s also amazingly high in butterfat content, so it’s wonderfully rich and creamy. Milking a tuscan is a dying art (they do tend to bite, which makes the process a bit tricky).

Deerbusters Wolf Urine

“One is immediately drawn to this vintage by the colour, which is an elegant, pale straw hue with an appealing peachy fruit on the nose. It has an incredibly effervescent bead — the whole glass teams with bubbles — culminating in a frothy layer at the head. The palate has panache, with a firm, mineral acidity that cuts through a rather elegantly styled, poised meaty presence. . .Even though it has a rather short and crisply defined finish, I still believe this has the composition and acidity to age well in the cellar of any self-respecting urine connoisseur.”

Coverdale Fresh Whole Rabbit

“Like many suburban homeowners, I like to kill and eat the wild animals that populate my backyard. To keep it sporting, I hunt naked, with my teeth and long sharpened fingernails as my only weapons.”

Uranium Ore

“The quality of this Uranium is on par with the stuff I was buying from the Libyans over at the mall parking lot, but at half the price! I just hope the seller does not run out, because I have many projects on my list including a night vision sasquatch radar, an electromagnetic chupakabra cage, a high velocity, aerial, weighted Mothman net and super heated, instant grill cheese sandwhich maker.”



Got something to say?

You must be logged in to post a comment.